1 00:00:04,890 --> 00:00:06,694 Kenny. Your boss is treating you 2 00:00:06,718 --> 00:00:08,338 like a piece of dirt. That's right. 3 00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:11,027 Kenny, don't... Don't be a piece of dirt. 4 00:00:11,165 --> 00:00:14,475 All right, then. I'll be back in 60 seconds. 5 00:00:14,613 --> 00:00:15,958 Who's that, Dr. Cathy? 6 00:00:16,095 --> 00:00:18,095 I love this Dr. Cathy. 7 00:00:18,233 --> 00:00:19,347 This is how you spend your morning, 8 00:00:19,371 --> 00:00:20,681 listening to a hack psychologist 9 00:00:20,819 --> 00:00:21,992 exploit the troubled? 10 00:00:22,130 --> 00:00:25,922 No, not just that. Also, I made juice. 11 00:00:28,232 --> 00:00:29,512 You've been at that for an hour. 12 00:00:29,577 --> 00:00:31,784 I know. 50 more oranges and a Danish, 13 00:00:31,922 --> 00:00:33,955 we got ourselves a continental breakfast. 14 00:00:34,093 --> 00:00:36,231 I got the stuff for Uncle Phil's lunch. 15 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:37,990 Oh, he's gonna love that. 16 00:00:38,128 --> 00:00:39,128 It's amazing. 17 00:00:39,266 --> 00:00:40,748 The man is going back to high school. 18 00:00:40,886 --> 00:00:42,438 Sweetie, it's not that strange. 19 00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,136 A lot of people drop out of high school, 20 00:00:44,265 --> 00:00:45,403 and then they go back later. 21 00:00:45,541 --> 00:00:48,402 Yeah, not 63 years later. 22 00:00:48,540 --> 00:00:50,274 I'm pretty sure he'll be the only kid in school 23 00:00:50,298 --> 00:00:51,782 eating pickled herring. 24 00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:52,919 Boo! 25 00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:54,126 Jeez! Ah! 26 00:00:54,264 --> 00:00:55,746 Sorry. Sorry. You should really ask me 27 00:00:55,884 --> 00:00:57,164 to give you back the house keys. 28 00:00:57,194 --> 00:00:58,505 Give me back those house keys. 29 00:00:58,643 --> 00:00:59,883 Oh! Juice. 30 00:01:00,021 --> 00:01:01,301 Don't finish that. I just... Oh! 31 00:01:01,332 --> 00:01:04,021 How were you raised? Ahh. 32 00:01:04,159 --> 00:01:05,159 Hey. Wanna scream again? 33 00:01:05,227 --> 00:01:06,262 No. Not really. 34 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:09,538 Ah! Oh, my! 35 00:01:09,675 --> 00:01:13,158 Sweet mother of all things. 36 00:01:13,295 --> 00:01:14,537 What... What... 37 00:01:16,881 --> 00:01:18,054 What is that? 38 00:01:18,192 --> 00:01:19,295 Do you like 'em? 39 00:01:19,434 --> 00:01:20,985 They're not shy. 40 00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:22,571 I saw this sign on the D train 41 00:01:22,709 --> 00:01:24,191 for this really cool plastic surgeon, 42 00:01:24,329 --> 00:01:26,880 so... ba-boom. 43 00:01:27,018 --> 00:01:28,639 You got breast implants from the D train? 44 00:01:28,777 --> 00:01:32,432 More... It's more like the double-D train, actually. 45 00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:33,742 You wanna touch 'em? 46 00:01:33,879 --> 00:01:34,948 Can I? 47 00:01:35,086 --> 00:01:36,741 She meant me. Oh. 48 00:01:36,879 --> 00:01:38,190 Anyone. Come on, touch 'em. 49 00:01:38,327 --> 00:01:39,327 Really? Really? 50 00:01:39,465 --> 00:01:41,223 Yeah. Feel 'em. They're like real. 51 00:01:42,775 --> 00:01:43,775 Eh? 52 00:01:43,878 --> 00:01:45,878 This one's good. 53 00:01:46,016 --> 00:01:47,051 Yeah. 54 00:01:47,189 --> 00:01:48,189 This one's... 55 00:01:48,222 --> 00:01:49,809 Nothing wrong with this one. 56 00:01:49,946 --> 00:01:50,946 You got... 57 00:01:50,981 --> 00:01:52,326 You got big new breasts. 58 00:01:52,464 --> 00:01:54,015 What do you think? 59 00:01:56,119 --> 00:01:58,187 Nothing. There's no thoughts in my head, honey. 60 00:02:00,256 --> 00:02:01,738 Ooh! I gotta run. Okay. 61 00:02:01,876 --> 00:02:04,220 Can you, though? Can you run with these? 62 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:05,738 I have to depart is what I mean. 63 00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:07,082 Where you goin'? Stick around. 64 00:02:07,220 --> 00:02:08,497 I'm make some more juice. 65 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:12,782 Are you sure this is where Uncle Phil 66 00:02:12,806 --> 00:02:13,841 told us to meet him? 67 00:02:13,979 --> 00:02:14,979 This is what he said, 68 00:02:15,081 --> 00:02:16,874 right in front of locker 214. 69 00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:18,219 17 left, 70 00:02:18,357 --> 00:02:20,287 15 right, 71 00:02:20,426 --> 00:02:21,495 12 left. 72 00:02:21,633 --> 00:02:22,667 Who's that? 73 00:02:22,805 --> 00:02:23,805 I don't know. 74 00:02:23,942 --> 00:02:25,356 17 left, 75 00:02:25,495 --> 00:02:27,046 15 right, 12 left. 76 00:02:27,184 --> 00:02:28,425 Oh, my God. 77 00:02:28,563 --> 00:02:30,124 Sounds like it's coming from inside the locker. 78 00:02:30,148 --> 00:02:33,632 17 left, 15 right, 12 left! 79 00:02:33,769 --> 00:02:35,976 Oh, my God. Did you get it? 80 00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:38,458 Uncle Phil! Uncle Phil! 81 00:02:43,389 --> 00:02:46,181 Uncle Phil, are you all right? 82 00:02:46,319 --> 00:02:48,699 I make a living. No, no, no... 83 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,595 I mean, for a person on a fixed income, 84 00:02:50,732 --> 00:02:52,319 you have to learn to buy in bulk. 85 00:02:52,456 --> 00:02:56,007 Yeah, no, no. You were stuck inside the locker? 86 00:02:56,145 --> 00:02:59,249 It's like being in a tomb in Westminster Abbey. Terrible. 87 00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:00,787 You know, they bury them standing up 88 00:03:00,869 --> 00:03:02,731 in Westminster Abbey. Oh, really? 89 00:03:02,869 --> 00:03:04,811 There's not a lot of room for all the legends and kings. 90 00:03:04,835 --> 00:03:06,213 They're buried standing up. 91 00:03:06,351 --> 00:03:08,317 Can you imagine standing for all eternity? 92 00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:09,661 It's no good. 93 00:03:09,799 --> 00:03:11,041 Must be murder on your arches. 94 00:03:11,178 --> 00:03:13,420 How do they survive it? 95 00:03:13,558 --> 00:03:15,078 Even if the king of England begs you... 96 00:03:15,109 --> 00:03:16,229 For some reason, if I should 97 00:03:16,281 --> 00:03:17,567 discover penicillin or something... 98 00:03:17,591 --> 00:03:19,384 They want to bury me there, 99 00:03:19,522 --> 00:03:20,557 say no. 100 00:03:20,695 --> 00:03:23,142 I wanna lie flat. 101 00:03:24,349 --> 00:03:26,590 Like... Like Kansas. 102 00:03:28,004 --> 00:03:29,979 You know, you can see all of Kansas from a high chair. 103 00:03:30,003 --> 00:03:31,038 Really? 104 00:03:31,176 --> 00:03:33,555 That's how flat it is. 105 00:03:33,693 --> 00:03:36,038 Every Kansas child has a terrific view 106 00:03:36,176 --> 00:03:37,382 of Kansas on a clear day. 107 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:38,772 They see a little Nebraska, too. 108 00:03:38,796 --> 00:03:40,692 How did you get in there? 109 00:03:40,830 --> 00:03:42,933 This monster, this bully... 110 00:03:43,071 --> 00:03:44,726 Jared Frankenstein... 111 00:03:44,864 --> 00:03:47,277 He shoved me by the hair, he pushed me in there. 112 00:03:47,416 --> 00:03:48,656 The kid's name is Frankenstein? 113 00:03:48,691 --> 00:03:50,070 It's actually Finkelstein, 114 00:03:50,208 --> 00:03:51,322 but is should be Frankenstein. 115 00:03:51,346 --> 00:03:52,484 The lousy kid. 116 00:03:52,622 --> 00:03:54,794 Just finished with puberty, 14 years old, 117 00:03:54,932 --> 00:03:57,966 he's got a mustache like a Turkish dictator. 118 00:03:58,104 --> 00:04:01,104 He has a mustache like this. This is how big it is. 119 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,483 I gotta tell you, 120 00:04:02,621 --> 00:04:04,655 that's how big this kid is. That's a big kid. 121 00:04:04,792 --> 00:04:06,344 And he's only 14. 122 00:04:06,483 --> 00:04:08,172 Why did he put you in there? 123 00:04:08,310 --> 00:04:10,171 Why? Why is there war? 124 00:04:10,309 --> 00:04:13,067 Why is there suffering? 125 00:04:13,205 --> 00:04:15,757 Why is mackerel such a fishy fish? 126 00:04:15,895 --> 00:04:19,066 You know? We're not always told why. 127 00:04:19,204 --> 00:04:20,204 That's true. True. 128 00:04:20,239 --> 00:04:21,550 The main thing is you're okay. 129 00:04:21,688 --> 00:04:24,342 It must be just so tough for you 130 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,341 to be the new kid in school, huh? 131 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,618 I can do it. I'm equal to the task. 132 00:04:28,756 --> 00:04:29,756 Not only that, listen, 133 00:04:29,858 --> 00:04:31,445 I'm gonna do all my courses, 134 00:04:31,582 --> 00:04:34,271 and I'm also gonna try out for the track team. 135 00:04:34,410 --> 00:04:35,789 The track team? 136 00:04:35,927 --> 00:04:38,306 Yes. I was very fast as a young man. 137 00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,547 Remember Roger Bannister? Sure. 138 00:04:40,685 --> 00:04:43,478 He did a mile in four minutes. Right. 139 00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:46,512 Phil Buchman did a mile in four minutes... 140 00:04:46,650 --> 00:04:48,443 and 20 minutes. 141 00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:52,235 A grand total of 24, but Roger was worried. 142 00:04:52,373 --> 00:04:53,969 Is Buchman comin' up? Is Buchman comin' up? 143 00:04:53,993 --> 00:04:54,855 Where's Buchman? 144 00:04:54,993 --> 00:04:56,373 I had no idea. 145 00:04:56,511 --> 00:04:58,304 You did so many things. 146 00:04:58,441 --> 00:05:00,268 There's very little in my years 147 00:05:00,407 --> 00:05:02,199 that I have not... I've done everything. 148 00:05:02,337 --> 00:05:03,199 Everything? 149 00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:04,716 Ask me something. All right. 150 00:05:04,854 --> 00:05:06,096 Did you, uh... 151 00:05:06,234 --> 00:05:08,096 Did you ever touch an owl? 152 00:05:08,233 --> 00:05:10,026 16 times. 153 00:05:10,164 --> 00:05:11,026 Really? 154 00:05:11,164 --> 00:05:12,544 I happen to love owls. 155 00:05:12,681 --> 00:05:14,521 There's one of the softest things in the world, 156 00:05:14,612 --> 00:05:15,957 especially under their ruff. 157 00:05:16,095 --> 00:05:17,474 They're so soft. 158 00:05:17,612 --> 00:05:18,612 I didn't know that. Yes. 159 00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:20,405 And I'll tell you something, 160 00:05:20,543 --> 00:05:22,139 if you ever see an owl lying on the ground... 161 00:05:22,163 --> 00:05:24,094 An owl that hit a limb, an accident... 162 00:05:24,232 --> 00:05:25,714 Don't try to turn his head around. 163 00:05:25,852 --> 00:05:29,507 Okay. Because they go 360, you know? 164 00:05:29,644 --> 00:05:31,024 That's their big selling point. 165 00:05:31,162 --> 00:05:32,782 You know, they do a lot of thi... 166 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:34,713 Ooh. Prom night. 167 00:05:34,851 --> 00:05:36,264 That's why I'm here. 168 00:05:36,403 --> 00:05:37,954 I'm here... 169 00:05:38,092 --> 00:05:41,574 I never got to ever go to the prom night. 170 00:05:41,712 --> 00:05:42,895 Uncle Phil, if you finish your courses, 171 00:05:42,919 --> 00:05:44,125 you can go to the prom. 172 00:05:44,263 --> 00:05:45,298 Really? Yeah. 173 00:05:45,436 --> 00:05:47,849 You must be an excellent mother. 174 00:05:47,987 --> 00:05:48,987 Thank you. 175 00:05:49,022 --> 00:05:50,780 Because you communicate. 176 00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:52,608 My mother didn't understand us. 177 00:05:52,746 --> 00:05:54,401 We didn't speak the same language. 178 00:05:54,539 --> 00:05:55,952 No? You had a generation gap? 179 00:05:56,090 --> 00:05:58,469 No. We spoke English. She spoke Polish. 180 00:05:58,607 --> 00:05:59,641 Oh. 181 00:05:59,779 --> 00:06:01,030 We didn't know what the hell she... 182 00:06:01,054 --> 00:06:02,744 She'd say halugish, haligem. 183 00:06:02,882 --> 00:06:05,054 We didn't whether to go to sleep or eat a piece of... 184 00:06:05,192 --> 00:06:07,571 We didn't know what that woman wanted. 185 00:06:07,709 --> 00:06:09,549 I don't want you to be late for your first day. 186 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:10,881 Here we go. This is it... 187 00:06:11,019 --> 00:06:12,364 American history. Mr. Brodsky. 188 00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:14,122 All set? Here we go. 189 00:06:14,260 --> 00:06:16,190 Wait. Firm embrace. 190 00:06:16,328 --> 00:06:18,087 Firm embrace. 191 00:06:18,225 --> 00:06:19,363 Firmer. 192 00:06:19,501 --> 00:06:21,052 Firmer. 193 00:06:21,190 --> 00:06:22,397 Too firm. 194 00:06:22,535 --> 00:06:23,569 Oh, God. 195 00:06:24,673 --> 00:06:25,776 Thank you. Sorry. 196 00:06:25,913 --> 00:06:27,362 A little twinge here, but I'm okay. 197 00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,293 All right, here's your books. Thank you. 198 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:30,948 That's so kind of you. 199 00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:32,603 I wanna be like a kid, you know. 200 00:06:32,741 --> 00:06:33,947 You got it. Here's your lunch. 201 00:06:34,085 --> 00:06:36,223 Mm! Thanks. I love that. 202 00:06:36,361 --> 00:06:39,050 You got it. I love you both. 203 00:06:39,188 --> 00:06:40,509 I'm gonna make you very proud of me. 204 00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:42,602 We know you are. 205 00:06:42,740 --> 00:06:43,946 Good luck... Yes. 206 00:06:44,084 --> 00:06:45,084 To me. Right. 207 00:07:03,013 --> 00:07:04,293 What's the matter, you never saw 208 00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,115 a 12th-grader before? 209 00:07:06,253 --> 00:07:07,253 Who are you? 210 00:07:07,357 --> 00:07:09,736 Philip Buchman, your new student. 211 00:07:09,874 --> 00:07:11,770 Can I help you to your seat? 212 00:07:11,908 --> 00:07:13,563 Hello. Philip Buchman. 213 00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,770 Philip Buchman, your new classmate. 214 00:07:15,908 --> 00:07:17,252 Buchman here. New classmate. 215 00:07:17,391 --> 00:07:18,769 Buchman. Classmate. 216 00:07:18,907 --> 00:07:19,942 Don't worry. 217 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:21,735 A couple of years, that'll all clear up. 218 00:07:21,873 --> 00:07:23,251 How you doin'? 219 00:07:23,390 --> 00:07:25,355 Your new classmate, Philip Buchman. 220 00:07:25,493 --> 00:07:26,613 Philip, take a seat, please. 221 00:07:26,665 --> 00:07:28,010 Me? Excuse me. Okay... 222 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,468 I just wanna take out a few things 223 00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:30,941 from my pencil box. 224 00:07:31,079 --> 00:07:33,836 I just wanna make sure I have my ruler, 225 00:07:33,974 --> 00:07:36,319 my pencil, my eraser... 226 00:07:36,458 --> 00:07:37,905 In case I make a mistake. 227 00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:39,802 I'm never without my compass. 228 00:07:39,940 --> 00:07:41,526 You always have to have your compass. 229 00:07:41,664 --> 00:07:43,318 You must know where true north is, 230 00:07:43,457 --> 00:07:46,111 or else you'll end up living in South Jersey. 231 00:07:46,249 --> 00:07:50,179 All right. I am ready. 232 00:07:50,317 --> 00:07:53,731 Okay. Class... 233 00:07:53,869 --> 00:07:56,144 Picking up where we left off, 234 00:07:56,282 --> 00:07:58,593 on March 11, 1942, 235 00:07:58,731 --> 00:08:00,833 MacArthur left the Philippines for Australia, 236 00:08:00,971 --> 00:08:03,178 proclaiming "I shall return." 237 00:08:03,315 --> 00:08:04,315 Wrong! 238 00:08:06,143 --> 00:08:07,454 Never said it. 239 00:08:07,592 --> 00:08:08,454 Excuse me? 240 00:08:08,592 --> 00:08:09,970 Never said it. 241 00:08:10,108 --> 00:08:10,970 Wrong. 242 00:08:11,108 --> 00:08:13,074 Never said it. 243 00:08:13,211 --> 00:08:14,591 I was there. 244 00:08:14,729 --> 00:08:16,107 He didn't say that. 245 00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:19,073 What MacArthur actually said was, 246 00:08:19,211 --> 00:08:21,348 "People of the Philippines, 247 00:08:21,486 --> 00:08:23,348 "wonderful workin' with ya... 248 00:08:25,003 --> 00:08:27,037 and I'll see ya around." 249 00:08:27,175 --> 00:08:29,003 Then he went into the PT boat, 250 00:08:29,141 --> 00:08:30,554 and he left. 251 00:08:32,898 --> 00:08:35,036 He said, "I'll see ya around." 252 00:08:35,174 --> 00:08:36,657 That's what he said. I was there. 253 00:08:36,795 --> 00:08:38,036 It's possible, 254 00:08:38,173 --> 00:08:39,977 it's just possible that Mr. Buchman's recollection 255 00:08:40,001 --> 00:08:41,381 is a little hazy. 256 00:08:41,519 --> 00:08:42,770 Actually, MacArthur... According to history... 257 00:08:42,794 --> 00:08:45,035 Said, "I shall return." 258 00:08:45,173 --> 00:08:47,207 And according to this picture 259 00:08:47,345 --> 00:08:50,345 of me, Buchman, and MacArthur... 260 00:08:50,483 --> 00:08:52,655 I happened to be his driver. 261 00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,240 I was sitting in the front. 262 00:08:54,379 --> 00:08:55,827 He was sitting in the back. 263 00:08:55,965 --> 00:08:57,482 And I know 'cause I was there. 264 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,482 He was very superstitious about the driving. 265 00:08:59,619 --> 00:09:01,033 "No left turns. 266 00:09:01,171 --> 00:09:03,102 No left turns." 267 00:09:03,239 --> 00:09:04,101 I always had to make right turns, 268 00:09:04,239 --> 00:09:05,481 right turns. 269 00:09:05,619 --> 00:09:07,687 There was a chicken teriyaki place two minutes away 270 00:09:07,825 --> 00:09:09,756 if you could make a left turn. 271 00:09:09,894 --> 00:09:11,722 No, no. He wanted chicken teriyaki, 272 00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:14,135 I had to go all around Australia. 273 00:09:14,273 --> 00:09:15,755 That's how superstitious he was. 274 00:09:15,893 --> 00:09:17,100 I understand, but... 275 00:09:17,238 --> 00:09:18,583 I gave him his corncob pipe. 276 00:09:18,721 --> 00:09:20,272 I said, "You gotta look different." 277 00:09:20,410 --> 00:09:21,593 I was the guy who crushed his hat. 278 00:09:21,617 --> 00:09:23,137 Unfortunately, his head was in it once. 279 00:09:23,203 --> 00:09:24,582 We had a little problem. 280 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,582 But I gave him that look. 281 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:27,961 I made MacArthur famous. 282 00:09:28,099 --> 00:09:31,029 Mr. Buchman, you know who loves MacArthur stories? 283 00:09:31,167 --> 00:09:32,647 Our principal loves MacArthur stories. 284 00:09:32,753 --> 00:09:34,167 Why don't you go tell him that? 285 00:09:34,305 --> 00:09:35,867 He's trying to get me down to the principal's office. 286 00:09:35,891 --> 00:09:37,753 Down to the principal now. 287 00:09:37,891 --> 00:09:40,097 Students of American History, 288 00:09:40,235 --> 00:09:42,028 wonderful workin' with ya. 289 00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:43,718 I'll see ya around. 290 00:09:43,856 --> 00:09:45,442 Fine. The principal. Get going. 291 00:09:53,199 --> 00:09:54,061 Hidi-hi. 292 00:09:54,199 --> 00:09:56,199 Hi. 293 00:09:56,337 --> 00:09:57,337 Is Jamie home? 294 00:09:57,372 --> 00:09:59,543 Um... no. 295 00:10:01,612 --> 00:10:03,750 Well, good. 296 00:10:18,955 --> 00:10:20,058 Hello. 297 00:10:21,127 --> 00:10:23,092 This is Mrs. Buchman. 298 00:10:23,230 --> 00:10:25,127 Oh. No, no. 299 00:10:25,265 --> 00:10:26,585 We can come to the principal's office. 300 00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:28,057 We'll be right there. Bye-bye. 301 00:10:33,298 --> 00:10:35,919 Paul? Let them out. 302 00:10:37,125 --> 00:10:38,505 Let them be free. 303 00:10:38,643 --> 00:10:39,987 Paul. 304 00:10:41,263 --> 00:10:42,676 What happened? 305 00:10:42,814 --> 00:10:44,158 You were dreaming. 306 00:10:44,296 --> 00:10:45,331 I was? 307 00:10:45,469 --> 00:10:47,607 Oh. Yes, I was. 308 00:10:47,744 --> 00:10:49,572 What were you dreaming about? Let who be free? 309 00:10:49,710 --> 00:10:51,917 Hm? What's that? 310 00:10:52,055 --> 00:10:53,675 Let who be free? 311 00:10:53,813 --> 00:10:55,641 The hostages. 312 00:10:59,157 --> 00:11:00,812 What hostages? 313 00:11:00,950 --> 00:11:01,950 What hostages? 314 00:11:01,984 --> 00:11:02,984 The hostages. 315 00:11:03,018 --> 00:11:04,364 Somewhere in the world, 316 00:11:04,502 --> 00:11:05,811 there gotta be hostages, right? 317 00:11:05,949 --> 00:11:07,432 So I think they should be free, 318 00:11:07,570 --> 00:11:09,190 and I was dreaming about them. 319 00:11:09,328 --> 00:11:10,328 Oh. 320 00:11:10,432 --> 00:11:12,293 'Cause I'm concerned for others, 321 00:11:12,432 --> 00:11:13,845 and I wondered, you know, 322 00:11:13,983 --> 00:11:15,534 do I do enough for people? 323 00:11:15,672 --> 00:11:17,372 And the world... I mean, all over the world, 324 00:11:17,396 --> 00:11:19,396 I wonder if I do enough for them. 325 00:11:19,534 --> 00:11:20,396 Honey, we should go. 326 00:11:20,534 --> 00:11:22,465 I gotta sit for a minute. 327 00:11:27,291 --> 00:11:29,912 Principal Hocksacker is on his way. 328 00:11:30,050 --> 00:11:31,050 Thank you. 329 00:11:31,153 --> 00:11:33,188 Oh, by the way, may I ask your name? 330 00:11:33,325 --> 00:11:34,843 It's Rosie. 331 00:11:34,981 --> 00:11:36,290 Rosie. Mm-hm. 332 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:37,636 And may I say, Rosie, 333 00:11:37,773 --> 00:11:39,118 that nothing takes the sting 334 00:11:39,256 --> 00:11:41,014 out of coming to the principal's office 335 00:11:41,152 --> 00:11:42,635 like your beautiful smile 336 00:11:42,773 --> 00:11:45,841 and your very, very fetching a-line frock... 337 00:11:45,979 --> 00:11:48,668 50 poly, 50 cotton, tough on stains. 338 00:11:48,806 --> 00:11:49,806 Right? 339 00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:50,910 Heh. Yes. 340 00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:52,219 My former profession. 341 00:11:52,358 --> 00:11:53,909 I used to feel frocks. 342 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:57,323 Oh, well, you're quite the charmer, Philip. 343 00:11:57,460 --> 00:11:58,874 I'll bet the kids in this school 344 00:11:59,012 --> 00:12:01,460 must be knocking your door down for a date. 345 00:12:01,598 --> 00:12:02,873 Well, if I went out with them, 346 00:12:03,011 --> 00:12:04,218 it would be a felony. 347 00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:05,770 Oh. 348 00:12:05,908 --> 00:12:07,080 Yeah. Young. You're right. 349 00:12:07,217 --> 00:12:08,217 They're too young. Right. 350 00:12:08,286 --> 00:12:09,286 He's on his way. 351 00:12:09,321 --> 00:12:10,597 Bye, Rosie. 352 00:12:10,734 --> 00:12:12,459 Bye, Philip. 353 00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,939 So minty! 354 00:12:28,077 --> 00:12:29,215 Oh! 355 00:12:29,354 --> 00:12:31,043 Mr. and Mrs. Buchman, 356 00:12:31,181 --> 00:12:34,283 this behavior is simply unacceptable. 357 00:12:34,422 --> 00:12:35,904 We're very sorry. 358 00:12:36,042 --> 00:12:38,214 Well, "sorry" doesn't cut it at Jacob Javits High. 359 00:12:38,353 --> 00:12:39,869 When we find a problem student, 360 00:12:40,007 --> 00:12:42,662 we nip them in the bud. 361 00:12:44,352 --> 00:12:46,282 Now, if you get thrown out of one more class, 362 00:12:46,421 --> 00:12:48,696 if you fail one more test, 363 00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:50,454 you are out of this school. 364 00:12:50,592 --> 00:12:51,971 You can do that? Yes. 365 00:12:52,109 --> 00:12:54,867 I'm the principal. I have tremendous power. 366 00:12:55,005 --> 00:12:56,591 Then how do you explain that? 367 00:12:56,729 --> 00:12:58,970 What? Got you. 368 00:13:00,557 --> 00:13:03,004 Mr. and Mrs. Buchman, I'm going to give you one minute 369 00:13:03,142 --> 00:13:04,452 to give him a piece of your mind. 370 00:13:04,590 --> 00:13:05,901 Yeah. 371 00:13:06,039 --> 00:13:06,901 Uncle Phil. 372 00:13:07,038 --> 00:13:08,141 What did you do? 373 00:13:08,279 --> 00:13:09,659 What did you do? 374 00:13:09,796 --> 00:13:10,796 I can't do it. 375 00:13:10,934 --> 00:13:11,934 It's not me. 376 00:13:12,038 --> 00:13:13,245 I'm not a kid anymore. 377 00:13:13,382 --> 00:13:15,140 I'm a 2-time high school dropout. 378 00:13:15,278 --> 00:13:17,589 It's no good. Don't give up. You can't quit. 379 00:13:17,726 --> 00:13:19,254 Don't you wanna go out for the track team? 380 00:13:19,278 --> 00:13:20,830 Yes, I do. 381 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:23,139 Don't you wanna get that diploma? I do. 382 00:13:23,277 --> 00:13:24,426 Don't you wanna go to the prom? 383 00:13:24,450 --> 00:13:25,312 More than anything. 384 00:13:25,450 --> 00:13:26,450 So? 385 00:13:33,518 --> 00:13:34,518 Let's hit the books. 386 00:13:34,622 --> 00:13:36,104 Yes. Okay. 387 00:13:42,930 --> 00:13:44,493 What's on your mind, Jeremy? 388 00:13:44,517 --> 00:13:46,010 Well, here's the thing. 389 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:48,205 I recently had a dream 390 00:13:48,344 --> 00:13:50,067 that I was kissing my sister-in-law, 391 00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:53,929 and I was begging her to show me her new breasts. 392 00:13:55,584 --> 00:13:58,066 You see, she recently had breast implants, 393 00:13:58,204 --> 00:14:01,135 and, uh, let me just say, 394 00:14:01,273 --> 00:14:03,376 the procedure was a huge success. 395 00:14:03,514 --> 00:14:05,583 So what's the problem? 396 00:14:05,721 --> 00:14:07,065 The problem is... 397 00:14:07,203 --> 00:14:09,272 Do I tell my wife, you know, 398 00:14:09,411 --> 00:14:12,617 that every time I see Lisa... Alna... 399 00:14:12,755 --> 00:14:13,893 Who? 400 00:14:14,030 --> 00:14:15,202 Lisaalna. 401 00:14:15,341 --> 00:14:18,823 That's my sister-in-law's name... Lisaalna. 402 00:14:18,961 --> 00:14:21,340 Do I tell my wife that whereas before, 403 00:14:21,478 --> 00:14:22,868 I used to think that she was just infuriating 404 00:14:22,892 --> 00:14:23,994 and annoying, 405 00:14:24,132 --> 00:14:26,753 now I realize she's just eccentric and stacked. 406 00:14:29,615 --> 00:14:32,097 So that's my question, I guess. 407 00:14:32,235 --> 00:14:33,890 Do I tell my wife that? 408 00:14:34,028 --> 00:14:36,304 Whoa! What are you, nuts? 409 00:14:36,441 --> 00:14:38,303 You take this to your grave. 410 00:14:38,441 --> 00:14:41,854 And every time you wanna look at Lisaalna's breasts, 411 00:14:41,992 --> 00:14:44,338 you look at her feet instead. 412 00:14:44,475 --> 00:14:47,302 Look at her feet? Yeah. Just look at her feet. 413 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:48,578 Okay, but that... 414 00:14:48,716 --> 00:14:50,957 Heh. Pinhead wants to tell his wife. 415 00:14:51,095 --> 00:14:52,474 We'll be back in 60 seconds. 416 00:14:54,577 --> 00:14:56,405 How's Uncle Phil's studying going? 417 00:14:56,543 --> 00:14:57,823 He's got a French test tomorrow, 418 00:14:57,921 --> 00:14:58,961 and he's worried about it. 419 00:15:00,059 --> 00:15:01,163 There's Lisa. 420 00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,438 Oh, they're here already? 421 00:15:04,162 --> 00:15:05,162 Who? 422 00:15:05,265 --> 00:15:07,300 What's that? Who's "they"? 423 00:15:07,438 --> 00:15:09,162 Uh, Lisa and her friends. 424 00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:10,655 Isn't she bringing her friends over? 425 00:15:10,679 --> 00:15:11,748 No. 426 00:15:11,886 --> 00:15:13,299 My mistake. 427 00:15:13,437 --> 00:15:14,575 Hidi-hi. Hi. 428 00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:16,126 Oh, boy. Hidi-ho. 429 00:15:16,264 --> 00:15:18,126 Hey, are those new clogs? 430 00:15:18,264 --> 00:15:19,264 They're great. 431 00:15:19,333 --> 00:15:21,056 No. I've had these forever. 432 00:15:21,194 --> 00:15:22,609 Oh, never noticed. 433 00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:25,229 Jiminy. Those take some getting used to. 434 00:15:25,367 --> 00:15:26,480 Yeah, but people sure like 'em. 435 00:15:26,504 --> 00:15:27,704 Just now in the cab ride over, 436 00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:28,963 I sat in front with the driver, 437 00:15:28,987 --> 00:15:30,238 he didn't even charge me for the ride. 438 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:31,262 Is that right? 439 00:15:31,332 --> 00:15:32,470 Yeah. It was great. 440 00:15:32,608 --> 00:15:35,676 And today at lunch, waiter gave me a free steak. 441 00:15:35,814 --> 00:15:38,503 Wow. Those guys, they're just such saps. 442 00:15:38,641 --> 00:15:39,778 Can I have your VCR? 443 00:15:39,916 --> 00:15:41,123 Whatever you want. Sure. 444 00:15:41,261 --> 00:15:43,020 Uncle Phil, 445 00:15:43,158 --> 00:15:44,616 you got nothing to fear but fear itself. 446 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,053 That's enough to fear. 447 00:15:47,191 --> 00:15:49,019 It's just a French test. I know. 448 00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:50,757 And you've been studying very, very hard. 449 00:15:50,881 --> 00:15:52,294 I also took the precaution 450 00:15:52,432 --> 00:15:54,087 of writing all the answers on my person. 451 00:15:54,225 --> 00:15:56,329 What... What are you talking about? 452 00:15:56,467 --> 00:16:00,052 My entire body is covered in French. 453 00:16:00,190 --> 00:16:02,155 That hasn't happened since I dated Madam Curie. 454 00:16:02,293 --> 00:16:03,328 I want you to know that. 455 00:16:03,466 --> 00:16:04,844 Wait a minute. 456 00:16:04,982 --> 00:16:06,568 You wrote the answers on your body? 457 00:16:06,706 --> 00:16:08,396 Absolutely. Here. 458 00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,120 Regular verbs. 459 00:16:11,534 --> 00:16:15,016 And here you got the irregulars. 460 00:16:15,154 --> 00:16:16,434 Where'd you put the subjunctive? 461 00:16:16,464 --> 00:16:18,050 You don't wanna know. 462 00:16:18,187 --> 00:16:19,912 Are you telling me 463 00:16:20,049 --> 00:16:22,084 Philip Buchman is going to cheat? 464 00:16:22,222 --> 00:16:23,360 Mais, oui. 465 00:16:23,498 --> 00:16:24,739 Uncle Phil. 466 00:16:24,877 --> 00:16:25,980 Look, this is not right. 467 00:16:26,118 --> 00:16:27,301 I know you wanna pass the test 468 00:16:27,325 --> 00:16:28,739 and you wanna graduate 469 00:16:28,877 --> 00:16:30,677 and you wanna go to the prom and everything... 470 00:16:30,807 --> 00:16:32,748 What's Paul's trying to say is we didn't raise a cheater. 471 00:16:32,772 --> 00:16:34,152 Come here. Exactly. 472 00:16:34,289 --> 00:16:36,600 You're erasing all my days... Lun... di, Jeudi, Mercredi. 473 00:16:36,738 --> 00:16:38,358 There goes the week. 474 00:16:39,633 --> 00:16:40,668 Give me your leg. 475 00:16:40,806 --> 00:16:41,875 Seriously? Uh-huh. 476 00:16:42,013 --> 00:16:43,116 Give her the leg. 477 00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:44,495 Be very careful. 478 00:16:44,633 --> 00:16:47,184 You're close to the dangling participle there. 479 00:16:49,323 --> 00:16:50,401 All right. 480 00:16:50,425 --> 00:16:51,825 There's the bell. Listen, you relax. 481 00:16:51,874 --> 00:16:53,045 You're gonna do just fine. 482 00:16:53,183 --> 00:16:54,543 You're very smart. You'll do great. 483 00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:55,804 French, here I come. 484 00:16:55,942 --> 00:16:57,838 Au revoir. Tout a l'heure. 485 00:16:57,976 --> 00:16:59,631 Sayonara. 486 00:17:01,528 --> 00:17:02,390 French, French. 487 00:17:02,528 --> 00:17:04,630 French, French. 488 00:17:21,697 --> 00:17:23,456 That was German. 489 00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:27,145 French, French. French! 490 00:17:27,283 --> 00:17:28,145 French bread. 491 00:17:28,283 --> 00:17:30,318 French fries. 492 00:17:30,456 --> 00:17:32,351 French toast. 493 00:17:32,489 --> 00:17:33,351 French kiss. 494 00:17:33,489 --> 00:17:35,213 Ooh, that's a good one. 495 00:17:35,351 --> 00:17:37,489 Ooh. It's all coming back. Yes. 496 00:17:37,627 --> 00:17:39,109 To play... Jouer. 497 00:17:39,247 --> 00:17:41,213 To eat... Manger. 498 00:17:41,350 --> 00:17:42,350 To speak... Parler. 499 00:17:42,454 --> 00:17:44,832 Vraiment.Okay. Ah. 500 00:17:46,143 --> 00:17:48,039 Uncle Phil! A 98 in French... 501 00:17:48,177 --> 00:17:49,901 That's like 135 in American. 502 00:17:50,039 --> 00:17:51,843 That's good, but this is even better. 503 00:17:53,625 --> 00:17:56,521 I made it. I'm at the prom. You got it. 504 00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:58,555 If I die tomorrow, I'd be happy. 505 00:17:58,693 --> 00:18:01,865 Oh, no. I got something to do tomorrow. 506 00:18:02,003 --> 00:18:03,072 If I die Tuesday... 507 00:18:03,210 --> 00:18:04,072 Oh, Philip! 508 00:18:04,210 --> 00:18:05,210 Rosie. 509 00:18:05,279 --> 00:18:06,520 There's Rosie. Now listen, 510 00:18:06,658 --> 00:18:08,658 I know you're chaperoning me tonight, 511 00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:10,076 but don't hang around too close. 512 00:18:10,209 --> 00:18:11,554 No, no. If you get too near, 513 00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:14,243 I'll give you a sign like... 514 00:18:14,381 --> 00:18:15,760 It means spread out. You got it. 515 00:18:15,898 --> 00:18:17,115 But if in the middle of the, 516 00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:20,690 you hear..., 517 00:18:20,828 --> 00:18:22,268 that means I'm having a heart attack. 518 00:18:22,380 --> 00:18:23,839 Rush to my assistance. We'll come over. 519 00:18:23,863 --> 00:18:25,621 You got it. 520 00:18:25,759 --> 00:18:26,759 Hi. 521 00:18:26,794 --> 00:18:28,241 Mr. and Mrs. Buchman. 522 00:18:28,380 --> 00:18:29,241 Philip. 523 00:18:29,380 --> 00:18:31,069 Would you care to dance? 524 00:18:31,207 --> 00:18:32,931 Ohh... Yes. Here we go. 525 00:18:34,379 --> 00:18:36,448 And may I say, you look 526 00:18:36,586 --> 00:18:38,413 quite fetching tonight. Thank you. 527 00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:40,723 That's... That's a killer dress. 528 00:18:40,861 --> 00:18:42,343 Thanks. It's Lisaalna's. 529 00:18:44,963 --> 00:18:46,756 Oh, Philip, 530 00:18:46,894 --> 00:18:48,653 you're very light on your feet. 531 00:18:51,377 --> 00:18:52,377 Philip? 532 00:18:53,755 --> 00:18:54,755 Philip, wake up. 533 00:18:54,859 --> 00:18:56,100 What? What? Who? 534 00:18:56,238 --> 00:18:57,617 Rosie, what are you doing here? 535 00:18:57,755 --> 00:18:59,961 Well, you fell asleep. 536 00:19:00,099 --> 00:19:01,617 Of course. Listen to that music. 537 00:19:01,754 --> 00:19:02,892 It'd put anybody to sleep. 538 00:19:03,030 --> 00:19:04,444 Wait right here. 539 00:19:04,582 --> 00:19:06,720 Come on, fellas. This is a prom. 540 00:19:06,858 --> 00:19:08,754 You wait all year for this. 541 00:19:08,891 --> 00:19:10,236 Let's jazz it up. 542 00:19:10,375 --> 00:19:11,420 Let's do it a little jolly. 543 00:19:11,444 --> 00:19:13,581 How about in the key of G for "gorgeous"? 544 00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:15,822 I'd like to dedicate this song... 545 00:19:15,959 --> 00:19:17,477 to Rosie. 546 00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:19,235 Here we go. 547 00:19:24,614 --> 00:19:26,165 ♪ Rosie ♪ 548 00:19:26,304 --> 00:19:29,165 ♪ You are my posy ♪ 549 00:19:29,304 --> 00:19:30,993 ♪ You are ♪ 550 00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:33,164 ♪ My heart's bouquet ♪ 551 00:19:35,061 --> 00:19:36,681 ♪ Come out ♪ 552 00:19:36,819 --> 00:19:38,923 ♪ Here in the moonlight ♪ 553 00:19:39,061 --> 00:19:41,716 ♪ There's something Sweet, love ♪ 554 00:19:41,853 --> 00:19:45,611 ♪ I wanna say ♪ 555 00:19:45,749 --> 00:19:47,680 ♪ Your honey boy ♪ 556 00:19:47,818 --> 00:19:49,818 ♪ Am waiting ♪ 557 00:19:50,921 --> 00:19:55,059 ♪ Your ruby lips to greet ♪ 558 00:19:56,230 --> 00:20:00,161 ♪ Don't be so aggravatin' ♪ 559 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:03,127 ♪ My blushin' Rosie ♪ 560 00:20:03,265 --> 00:20:05,437 ♪ My posy sweet ♪ 561 00:20:06,851 --> 00:20:09,195 ♪ There's a little Bunch of sweetness ♪ 562 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:11,781 ♪ That I long To call my bride ♪ 563 00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,367 ♪ And believe me I'm not happy ♪ 564 00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:17,159 ♪ Unless my baby's By my side ♪ 565 00:20:17,298 --> 00:20:19,918 ♪ Her baptismal name Is Rosie ♪ 566 00:20:20,056 --> 00:20:22,297 ♪ But she puts The rose to shame ♪ 567 00:20:22,435 --> 00:20:24,882 ♪ And most every night You'll hear me ♪ 568 00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:26,435 ♪ Call her name ♪ 569 00:20:26,572 --> 00:20:28,020 ♪ Professor ♪ 570 00:20:28,158 --> 00:20:30,192 ♪ I wanna sing About my baby ♪ 571 00:20:33,054 --> 00:20:34,743 ♪ Rosie ♪ 572 00:20:34,881 --> 00:20:37,812 ♪ You are my posy ♪ 573 00:20:37,950 --> 00:20:39,984 ♪ You are ♪ 574 00:20:40,122 --> 00:20:42,295 ♪ My heart's bouquet ♪ 575 00:20:44,018 --> 00:20:45,501 ♪ Come out ♪ 576 00:20:45,639 --> 00:20:48,155 ♪ Here in the moonlight ♪ 577 00:20:48,294 --> 00:20:51,086 ♪ There's something Sweet, love ♪ 578 00:20:51,224 --> 00:20:53,294 ♪ I wanna sing About my baby ♪ 579 00:20:54,534 --> 00:20:56,051 ♪ Your honey ♪ 580 00:20:56,189 --> 00:20:58,982 ♪ Your boy Am a-waitin' ♪ 581 00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:01,568 ♪ Your ruby ♪ 582 00:21:01,706 --> 00:21:03,706 ♪ Your lips to greet ♪ 583 00:21:03,844 --> 00:21:08,222 ♪ Don't be So aggravatin' ♪ 584 00:21:08,361 --> 00:21:10,636 ♪ My blushin' Rosie ♪ 585 00:21:10,774 --> 00:21:14,601 ♪ My posy sweet ♪♪♪ 586 00:21:29,703 --> 00:21:31,081 But, Dr. Cathy, are you telling me 587 00:21:31,219 --> 00:21:33,461 that I have to spend the rest of my life in this torment? 588 00:21:33,598 --> 00:21:35,758 You'll get over it. No, I won't get over it. 589 00:21:35,874 --> 00:21:37,115 You'll get over it. 590 00:21:37,253 --> 00:21:39,357 We'll be back in 60 seconds. 591 00:21:39,495 --> 00:21:41,357 Hey. 592 00:21:41,495 --> 00:21:42,804 Hi. 593 00:21:42,942 --> 00:21:44,425 Well, thanks a lot for the VCR. 594 00:21:44,563 --> 00:21:46,401 First, it ate my copy of Turner and Hooch, right? 595 00:21:46,425 --> 00:21:47,986 So I go to the video store and I explain to them. 596 00:21:48,010 --> 00:21:49,287 They don't care. 597 00:21:49,425 --> 00:21:51,287 So I rent another copy of Turner and Hooch, 598 00:21:51,424 --> 00:21:53,227 take it home... this time your beautiful machine 599 00:21:53,251 --> 00:21:54,838 does not eat it, right? 600 00:21:54,975 --> 00:21:57,389 But then I've eaten too many peanut Mandamp;M's, 601 00:21:57,527 --> 00:21:59,389 and the part where Hooch dies... 602 00:21:59,526 --> 00:22:01,802 I get freaked out and I throw up. 603 00:22:03,699 --> 00:22:04,974 I've over it. 604 00:22:08,698 --> 00:22:10,594 In front.